May 29, 2007:
A friend is one who sees through you and still enjoys the view.
~Wilma Askinas
Three day weekends are my friend.
I can't tell you how much I needed 3 days to do nothing. Not that I did nothing ... but I had the opportunity!!
I wish I could say a whole lot has been going on ... but to be honest, nothing has been going on. How sad is that? Work has been work ... school has been school. I went last week and am supposed to be catching up ... but I'm not yet. All in good time I guess... and I seem to work better under pressure. I wonder if all procrastinators do that?
On a high note, I lost 30lbs so far. Not very amazing if you consider I started my journey last fall ... September to be exact. But if you take out November to April, then it is kinda cool. I don't know why I fell off the bandwagon like I did after I met Joel. Just distractions, I guess. Going out and eating dinner was our basic date .. now that we have settled past the honeymoon phase, it's quite different. Cheaper too!
Speaking of Joel ... I have to share my neuroticism.
Let me give you some back story first. When I dated John (aka the 45k lesson of a boyfriend), he cheated on me. A lot. And when I mean a lot ... I don't mean a few times. I mean .. he cheated on me consistently over 3 years. With two women ... and many women in between. Let's just say I was reaaaallly naive and believed him when he said that the smell I thought was women's perfume or smell was incense. God I was stupid.
But that's not the back story ... me being stupid - that's a given.
Anyways... I met Joel last fall and he's into gambling. Not to the point where I think I have to worry... but enough that his idea of vacation is going to Vegas 3 times a year. We ended up becoming an item in Vegas in December... and so I'm a little sentimental about it. He's going back in July for 7/7/07 and although I could go with him, I can't. My priorities are buying Sharks tickets and as much as I would love to say I could do both... I can't. So he's going alone.
In December, I met some of his gambling friends from a forum ...one of which was named Catherine or Katherine, whatever. She had been there with him before I showed up and even though I wasn't with him at the time (prior to going), I was a little jealous he was hanging out with her.
He recently told his gambling friends from the board that he was going back to Vegas and Catherine/Katherine told him she was going to go then. (She lives back East) And I KNOW logically I'm applying the baggage of John to Joel but it's just habit, you know?
John used to tell me "Oh.. and Aimoree will be there this weekend." - there being the Ren Faire event - and sure enough, she was. And because I was working, he could go and I could not ... and in the process, he'd get drunk and his penis would accidentally slip into his "ex"-girlfriend. I say "ex" because she was one that he habitually cheated with.
So I know this is just my neurotic baggage peeping it's head up out of the luggage bin and I'm trying to remember that. But how the fuck do you lose it? I mean ... Joel has given me no reason to think he'd cheat. None. But why in the fucking world do I have this fear he will? Sooooo lame! But as soon as he mentioned that Catherine/Katherine was going to be there and that it surprised him - I immediately felt that fear. !@#!%!#% fear!
And that's that. I guess I have to just tell myself that it will work out however it's supposed to work out. Although I don't believe he's the type of guy to cheat - I don't think anyone wants to be the type that does cheat. Things happen. Feelings are discovered. Shit happens. And as much as I don't want to think about it? It's something I should prepare myself for I suppose. And just remind myself that if something does happen - it probably happened for a reason and is just a blaring sign that this relationship wasn't meant to be.
Oi vey. It's going to be a long ass ten days when he's gone.
Well, it's late ... time for bed. Oh.. and I have been having the most fucked up dreams ever! Night before last - I dreamt that 2 men had kidnapped me and were torturing me. With one of those straight knifes (like the old school shaving knives), they had cut my achillies tendon so I couldn't escape, followed by the ones in my hands. God that sucked. And I couldn't wake myself up....
The next dream was some guy holding me down and dropping a cement brick on my head. And as hard as I tried to pry my hands loose to block the brick, I couldn't do it. Then I felt this searing pain through my head, which woke me up. Ugh. And here I used to love dreaming so much!!
Stupid angsty dreams.