March 25, 2007:
Accepting Loss
The Cycle Of Grief
When we experience any kind of devastating loss, whether it is the loss
of a loved one, a dream, or a relationship, feelings may arise within
us that are overwhelming or difficult to cope with. This sense of grief
can also come up when we are separated from anyone or anything we have
welcomed into our lives. And while it may feel like we are caught up in
a never-ending spiral of sadness and emptiness, it is important to
remember that the grief we are feeling is not a permanent state of
being. Rather, grief is part of the process of letting go that in many
ways can be a gift, allowing us to go deeper within ourselves to
rediscover the light amidst the seeming darkness.
The emotions that accompany any kind of loss can be intense and varied.
A sense of shock or denial is often the first reaction, to be replaced
by anger. Sometimes this anger can be directed at your loved one for
"abandoning" you; at other times you may feel outrage toward the
universe for what you are enduring. And while there are stages of grief
that people go through - moving from denial to anger to bargaining to
depression to acceptance - the cycles of grief often move in spirals,
sometimes circling forward and then back again. You may even experience
moments of strength, faith, and laughter in between. While these
emotions seem to come and go sporadically, it is important to feel
them, accept them, and allow them to flow. With time, patience, and
compassion, you will eventually find your center again.
As we move through our grief, we may find ourselves reluctant to
release our pain, fearing we are letting go of who or what we have
lost. We may even regard our movement toward healing as an act of
disloyalty or giving up. Know that while the hurt may fade, the essence
of what you had and who you loved will have already transformed you and
forever stay with you. If anything, once you are ready for the pain of
your loss to subside, their memories can then live more fully within
you. Remember, that healing is a part of the spiraling cycles of grief,
and that in letting yourself feel restored again, you are surrendering
to a natural movement that is part of the dance of life.