April 22, 2007:
Courtesy of Daily OM.com
Resisting Control
Imposing Your Will On Others
The right to make your own choices is a precious one. We grow when we
have the freedom to decide our own paths and determine what makes us
happy. Yet there are those who are inclined to try and control others.
They may be driven by insecurity, envy, fear, or the need for power.
These people are deeply critical of themselves in their own minds, and
underlying that critical nature is unhappiness. Their need to feel
sure-footed and secure is quenched by controlling those around them,
whether they are friends, colleagues, or even pets. However, nearly
everyone has found themselves imposing their will upon others at one
time or another.
Trying to impose your will on others can be tempting for many reasons.
You may feel that your way is the best way or that you have a keener
insight into the direction their life should be taking. But, in
imposing your will, you are indirectly saying, "I want to control you."
Even when you have the best of intentions, others may end up resenting
you for your actions. It is always helpful to remember that it is
possible to influence people and change their behavior through
education or example without imposing your will on them.
If you've caught yourself being a bit bossy on a regular basis, make a
note of it. Write down what the situation was and why you acted the way
you did. You may have pushed a friend to try something new, because
deep inside you wanted to try it yourself but were feeling hesitant. Or
you may be unjustly interfering with work teammates, because you aren't
sure of their abilities. Next, make an effort to understand and accept
their preferences and ways of doing things. It can feel natural to
impose your will when you feel that you "know best." But there is a
freedom to trusting others to find their own methods and joys, even
when they might differ from yours. Sometimes the best course of action
is to step back and relinquish control. You may, in doing so, see
everything from a different point of view.