December 02, 2006

Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.
~ A.W. Pinero


My girlfriend Cathy got this from her friend, Leslie ... who got it from a woman who posts on this board that she belongs to. It's a little quaint and a little long but beautiful in it's simplicity and has a touching message. So I hope you enjoy it as much as everyone else has ...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Contemplations on Winter, Life and the Approaching Holiday Season

We are at 7,000 or so feet above sea level. Our home is 'off grid' drawing power from a generator and batteries, and our phone and Internet are via Satellite. We live, for the most part, a bit simpler than many, having chosen to give up many electrical gadgets and other taken for granted amenities that most folks seem to collect. No micro-wave, no stereo, no slow cookers, waffle irons, electric frying pans, etc.

Being the parent of a trans-racial family, and children with many challenges is, for me, just the best adventure. And one of the ways I enjoy things most if finding as many 'bubbles of fun' as possible in the trials and successes of my lil darlings.

A day here most often starts as Grandfather Sun is rising over the mountains in the east, often with spectacular colors reflected across the open sky. When Mama was young, she hated getting up so early, but her ever so wise Grandmother taught her that 'one day she would understand the importance of things' such as early rising. Mama notices that she is now the age her Grandmother was when she was growing up, and finds that in this, as most things, Grandmother was correct. Such beauty surrounds us that it seems a shame to miss watching Grandfather Sun begin his daily journey, often with dozens of variations in cloud patterns, light, colors and cloud movement. Some days the colors are like velvet, so close it feels like one can touch them. Other times the rainbow of yellows, reds, purples and gray's reach out to cover the sky and the clouds, reflecting shadows, suggesting all manner of animals on the ground and in the sky. As the Light takes over from the darkness, valleys and peaks appear and disappear, moving like a living hand over the lands below.

Most mornings we have a hot breakfast, eggs from our own chickens, omelet's, pancakes of many varieties, oatmeal with raisins and cinnamon or dried fruit or small chunks of apples, or cream of wheat or seven grain cereals, often with locally grown honey to add zest. (Also helps greatly with sinus issues and allergies, a nice bonus).

Next Mama gets her lil darlings get up in twos and threes, so avoid conflict and keep the chaos as low as possible. It also gives smaller group time with Mama. Most mornings are full of chatter over the tops of the rooms upstairs. All the bedrooms on the third floor except the master suite have no ceilings. The walls go up eight feet and then are open to the ceiling above. The ceiling is 12 inches thick, with Styrofoam for super insulation in our mountain environment where we often get winds of 40, 60 and sometimes faster, gusting and blowing and howling. Since her children will do the 'Walton thing', taking to each other, Mama and Daddy thought making it easier would be better. The acoustics are so well designed that if Mama sits in front of the masonry fireplace she can hear each and every word they are saying, and if needs be, intervene quickly.

After eating we have several hours of homeschool, all at various levels. Just now Mama has two actual preschoolers, one son working at preschool level due to developmental delays, one daughter with extensive cognitive delays still working at preschool level, three boys and one girl working on Grade 1 and Grade 2 (one of whom is five years old and smart as a whip), one doing Grade five work, two girls doing an eclectic style of grade five and grade six, and one very bright daughter at grade eight. So it can be a bit hectic.When needs be and weather permits, outside activities including animal husbandry and egg gathering, are done in intervals and small groups through out the day. Eggs are gathered with great delight and a chorus of we got 'insert current number eggs here' today, Mama!' is heard as they return from the barn clutching a bucket of eggs.

It's winter now, even tho the calendar doesn't agree. At this elevation we get a lot more snow than most places in, and lots of sudden weather changes too. Yesterday, we got over 8 inches of snow so Kasey, Emilie and Isaiah (despite stuffy noses and watery eyes) just HAD to go try sledding for the first time this year.

Brother Wind was howling and blowing, likely 45/50 mph. These three are among Mama's more gifted children, and she's always looking for teaching moments, so she figured they are all responsible enough to learn the lesson so sent them out.

About fifteen minutes later, Mama's keen hearing, sharpened by some thirty odd years of child rearing, notices this loud shouting on the deck, and stomping too. Since sounds echo strangely up here, it's not always possible to figure out where an outside noise is originating, so Mama sets out to search. Upon searching all sides, on the last (of course) of the four sides she's searching, she finds five year old Isaiah, all bundled up in his best imitation of a mummy, standing with his fist raised and shouting: "BAD BROTHER WIND". Mama is impressed by his lung capacity.

Brother Wind was blowing so hard that Isaiah was stuck at the far edge of the deck and couldn't make his way to the door to come inside! After laughing greatly, Mama rescued him. He was NOT happy. He continued to shake his fist, stomp and jump as we made our way into the house. And it wasn't easy for me either given the high gusts of the winds. Mama really ought to put on a coat for such adventures, she thinks to herself.

Every inch of his beautiful brown face was covered in snow, his coat and pants were matted, and snow filled his much loved and much worn Spiderman boots. The first thing he did after removing his outside clothes, after scattering a lot of snow on the tile floor, was to stick his hands inside my clothes on Mama's back, shouting 'COLD HANDS, COLD HANDS!' with great delight. One of the rituals we have almost daily in winter. Mama laughed and pretended to be frightened of the cold, and he did it again. Mama, who grew up in Canada, where there is far TOO much of cold AND snow, doesn't like cold. It's become quite a family joke which all enjoy, especially when Mama says "SHHHHHH! That's a secret!" This causes more howls of laughter from anyone in hearing distance.

Since he was safely inside Mama thought it best to check on his two remaining sisters outside. She looked out to check on his sisters. They were trying very hard to sled down the driveway, which is pretty steep. Brother Wind was challenging them, and the sled kept blowing away up in the air before they could get on it to ride. They would fight and grab it back, both girls working in concert, and then jump quickly on and push off. They too were covered in snow from head to toe. While Kasey is Chinese American, and Emily Mayan Hispanic, they look enough alike to often be taken for biological sisters and are firmly bonded to each other.

Now one of the things the Anderson Clan has found essential to mountain living, is having a good sized dog to scare off predators. Before we got our current BIG dog, Mama had to chase a cougar out of our barn, beating it with a broom handle. Mrs. Cougar, very pregnant, was bent in eating Serenity, one of our oldest goats. Now in retrospect, Mama realizes this wasn't smart, but it seemed like the only choice at that particular moment. No cougar was going to her HER goat, not a chance!

We had a earlier version of BIG dog, named Angel, that didn't work out, as she tried to make a meal of our little English Spaniel, Meg. After finding a home with no other dogs or children, we began searching and praying for another. Then on FreeCycle, we found our second Angel. (which really was her name too). She is part greyhound, part black lab, and the best family dog one could ask for. She is long and lean, brown with blond brindle markings over her body. Angel runs like the wind! She is kind and gentle with family, but protective of us with strangers, and not afraid to bark loudly at strangers and predators. And she's kind and gentle with Meg too.

Mama watches through the window, with thousands of snowflakes swirling and twirling through the air, as Angel dragged in a dead animal, that upon further inspection revealed itself to be a coyote. She dropped it, proud as punch with her 'treasure,' right in front of the sled's path. This didn't please the girls much, but then they got excited about what animal it was, where it came from and 'could we keep it, PLEASE'? Guess they've learned from Mama, as Daddy says Mama is the biggest softie in the world.

Since it was very dead, keeping it wouldn't work. Had it been not quite so dead, Mama would not have kept it anyway. Wild things belong in the wild, in Mama's opinion. Also a lesson learned from her Grandmother many years ago and validated by watching others who disobeyed that basic understanding of the Ways of Nature.

Mama is not sure Angel killed it, or if she found it and drug it home. It didn't look in good condition and it's possible one of the many cougars got it first, but Angel was happy. After close examination, Mama had the girls drag it back into the bushes, but of course, Angel has since drug it back and it sits in the back yard where she's using it as a chew toy. Angel has made short work of the weasel population that is now much less numerous than it was a year ago, much to the chickens delight.

In the afternoon Mama declared a mini-holiday. We watched movies and ate some cake one of the girls had prepared. We watched through our windows as darkness dropped so swiftly over the mountains that is was light one moment and dark the next. Snow continued to pile up, and the next morning, today, there was over a foot of snow in most places. It seemed like we were the only family in the world, or on a virgin planet with no one for light years around.

Supper was scrambled eggs with home made bread and applesauce for desert. Small pleasures and small treasures, but happy memories that Mama hopes will see her children through their lives and help them in their healing.

Thanksgiving is just past, and I am reminded of how many blessings I have in my life. A warm home, food in the pantry, children who laugh and tell me they love me a dozen times each per day. The beauty that surrounds us here still takes my breath away often through out the day.

So much of our life is perception based. We can choose to see the small successes, and celebrate them, be thankful for life and breath and warmth and food. We can choose to find those bubbles of fun, despite having a fever or a cold or a sore throat or a house full of children with the same. We can choose to enjoy each precious day as a sacred Gift, given from whom ever we see as our Higher Power. We can choose to stop and give thanks and appreciation to those we Walk this Road in the Physical World with, or we can choose to grumble and complain and rush through life.

Too many folks these days seem to be driven by their lives, rather than living and enjoying their lives. Joy is where ever we CHOOSE to seek it.

My invitation to you, as you enter the busyness of the holiday season, is to choose to make a difference. Reach out to another, help someone less fortunate. Rejoice in the season no matter your philosophy, spiritual belief system, state and stage of life! Give of yourself and serve another.

So many in this world have so little, and we have so much. So many families are homeless, or have inadequate food, or shelter or warmth. While we can't change the state of the world, we can change our own little corner of it. We can choose to reach out, to give, to serve. To share the abundance of what we have.

The Season, for me, isn't about accumulating more STUFF. It's about finding those bubbles of happiness, of making my corner of the world a bit better, enriching the lives of those less fortunate, or maybe, reaching out through this computer to nudge those of you reading it, to do the same. And celebrating life! One never knows what our lives will bring us, what the next day or the future might hold. Honoring each day, each person we love and care about, each breath we have, makes ALL the difference.

Remembering the joy on my son's face as he stuck his cold hands on my back, and the delight of his laughter as I giggled and reacted will be a highlight of my life. Despite his physical challenges, and daily struggles, life for him is good. He is full of joy and love. And that is the legacy I want to share with my family, those I know, and those I know only through cyberspace.

Make happy memories folks. You are the only one who can for you.

Walk Strong
And if you can't? Walk AS IF you are.

Deedee




One day in retrospect the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful.
~ Sigmund Freud

Today started out fairly mellow.  I got up kinda late, which was nice ... sleeping in always feels good but the downside is that I'm more tired later in the day.  I spent probably about three hours sorting boxes of stuff that I had thrown together when I started re-doing my room. If I didn't really need it, it went in a box. And then, I was left with these piles of boxes and bags of crap that didn't really have a home. So this morning, I started going through them.

It was tedious task but the good part is that I sorted most of them. Now I'm just trying to find a home for it all. I threw out a lot of the stuff and put soem into the nifty little drawers I have but I still have little piles of crap to put away. I have to say that the little piles are more annoying than when I had the big pile of boxes. The good part of the annoying is that it will spur me to take care of it sooner than the boxes did. Yay for annoying. The funny part is that I took a nap afterwards. I don't know if it was the tediousness of it or the sleeping in which made me tired.

This afternoon, I had my third laser hair removal for my face. The next one will be in eight weeks ... and then they get further and further apart as the hair growth shouldn't happen. Let's cross our fingers. No hair anywhere would be a good thing. I hate hair. I'd love to have it all zapped from my body minus the eyebrows and top of my head. Hell, you can even take my landing strip.

Afterwards, I had some coupons for LB... I decided fuck it and was going to splurge. Sadly. Suz couldn't make it, which kinda was a downer because it was awesome going shopping with her. I don't really have any sweaters that I like, so my main objective was to get a couple. Well, I hit the jackpot. LB had some really nice stuff. I had $225 in coupons and an additional 15% off. Those savings along with the sweaters being 30% off rocked my wallet. I walked away with about $630 dollars worth of clothes for about $240. I added two more pairs of jeans (damn you Suz for turning me onto them), one gorgeous skirt that I cannot wait to outgrow so Suz can have, one sexy piece of lingerie, a sleepshirt and 10 shirts/sweaters to my already stuffed wardrobe.

I've been freezing in the office, so I picked up this cardigan sweater thingie which was normally $70 bucks but I got it 50%. It's just one of those lounging things so it needed to be nice enough that you wanted to be seen in but nothing you would get upset about if you poured coffee on. I'm wearing it right now because it's FREEZING and it's keeping me pretty toasty warm. I bought some basic long sleeved shirts that were nice, three warm comfy sweaters, two nice shirts, one shirt that I'll save until I've lost a few more pounds and one sexy sleek sparkly light sweater. I'm actually going to save that for Vegas because I actually think I look pretty hot in it. It's not very often I put something on and go, WOW! This is one of those shirts.

I totally scored for myself ... and the coolest thing about it was that I was trying on size 14 shirts. I'm pretty large chested and when you add weight to that, you get huuuge shirts, so I've been an 18/20 forever. Size 14 is definitely not small, that's for sure and I'm still going to lose more weight but to be at the smaller end of the "fat" girl's sizes is nice. I feel amazing for getting this far. I'm not done with the weight loss though ... I cannot wait until I start shopping on a regular basis at Kohl's or NY&Co which tailor to "normal" sizes.

I did a little Christmas shopping but not much. Most of the shopping I have to do is online or not at the mall, which will be nice. I actually walked to the mall because I didn't want to deal with parking. I think I'm actually going to start doing that any time I have go to the mall. It was about 30 minutes each way and a fairly nice walk too. I knew I wasn't going to make it to the gym, so it the walk kinda saved me. There was my exercise for the day.

Now I'm doing homework and housework ... washing all the clothes I just bought, doing some cleaning and re-writing my assignments. I've got the candles burning in my room, making it smell all nice and girly while I'm staring at the computer screen. Such the crazy life I lead. I totally suck by the way and remembered approximately 8 minutes ago that I was supposed to go to Dana's birthday party. I'm going to have to call her tomorrow....

I'm kinda amused at myself ... the last time I saw Joel was on Wednesday night and I actually really miss him today. I missed him yesterday but I was busy doing the candle party thing, so my mind was preoccupied. But today, it's a totally different story. I'm pretty much doing my own thing and there is this twinge of "missing" him. Kinda makes me feel vulnerable and just a tad neurotic. Especially because we're not even dating ... I just miss his company/companionship. I miss being with him. Craziness.

Well, homework is calling me. Oh joy.


Confidence on the outside begins by living with integrity on the inside.
~ Brian Tracy

I just got home a little while ago ... it was a nice night.  Chrissy came over and we did the candle party.  I got about $100 free in candle stuff, which was awesome and I bought about 8 Christmas gifts as well.  It was fun to see everyone ... I guess I'm surprised how cheap people can be sometimes though.  Cathy's house is amazing ... very comfy and I'm in love with her chair.


A little while ago, someone who had access to the truth revealed that there is much truth to a leopard never changing their spots. I had a suspicion but didn't think much of it because I didn't really care. However, when this person started attacking various people again, like they had done previously on another board, I had a problem with it and inquired. Sadly, I was correct. The woman who was pretending to be this designer from NY was the same woman in Georgia that had caused much havoc in my life for about two years. 

I don't know why she would go after someone who lost everything they owned in a fire. It wasn't like they made it up ... they actually lost everything.  My best friend lives in Phoenix.  Do you not think I'd inquire about such a thing before forking over any money? And because Kris actually went through this and the horror story that she told us?  I can't help but feel for someone who's gone through it. So when this girl was being attacked on the board being accused of lying and stealing money from fellow members ... simply put, it was uncalled for and mean.

I'm glad she was banned again. If her sole purpose is to cause trouble then the board is no place for her. She can go back to FWAAM and post there, like always. And to say that everyone is so stupid really just makes matters worse.  I really had thought things had changed and perhaps for the better but I was wrong. So I removed her as a friend and hope she realizes that this is not fun for anyone. I just wish the drama would end. The shit disturbing would stop. I don't understand the need to pretend you're someone else and lie through your teeth about who you are and what you do to have fun. It's just sad. And it's not the type of person I want in my life.

I can imagine that this is only going to open the floodgates for attacks again but I don't care. I've passed the point where I actually care anymore and now that they've just proven again that they are untrustworthy, why would I care? You reach a point where you just don't care anymore the person. All you have is disappointment in them ... and you close the door.