January 15, 2005:
Just another day....
Just
been busy cleaning my house and organizing all my crap.... it's
slightly overcast outside and looks like it's threatening to rain. I'm
so tired of the rain...
Burned the top 105 songs onto CD for
some friends ... was cool going through all the CDs and putting them
into my collection finally. I love looking at my full CD rack now. That
would have been definitely something Mike and I would have had fun
doing together .... I smile just thinking about him putting on a CD and
singing along to it in the kitchen as we're concocting some experiment.
Man, I miss those days.
Now that his birthday is getting closer,
the thoughts of him and memories of us together seem overwhelming. It's
a bittersweet thing... the memories are wonderful but leaves me with
this aching for his companionship. All this crap from the past few days
has really made me realize how lucky I was to have him in my life ...
he was a class act and I should remember those qualities he had. Those
were what drew us together and made our friendship amazing ... I should
look for those qualities again. He really was a gentleman, unselfish
and kind hearted ... I see glimpses of those qualities in others but
nothing compared to Mike.
There is so much ugliness in the
world and this past week has shown so much of it. To the point that I
cringe thinking about these people and the effect that they have on
others. When did it become okay to use and abuse others to their
satisfaction? To be dishonest or mean-spirited for their own
entertainment? This is a type of ugliness that I can do without and I
suddenly realize that I don't care anymore.
With so much talk about karma, it's amusing because apparently it only applies to others and not themselves.
The moment I let go of it was
The moment I got more than I could handle
The moment I jumped off of it was
The moment I touched down